Here it is... First day of college.
What do you say, Veronica?
New school, fresh start...
How about you try not to piss anyone off this time around?
Welcome to college, where it's okay to skip class.
Just not mine.
Skip class? I'm gonna staple myself to the floor.
Before we dive in, I've been asked to plug
the criminology department's mentoring program.
We work with at-risk kids here in Neptune.
Our philosophy is that it's better to prevent crimes through intervention
than be forced to solve them later.
My teaching assistant, Timothy Foyle,
will take the names of those who would like to volunteer.
Here's your reading list for the semester.
All should be available used at the co-op.
What about your book, dr. Landry?
Profiling is an upper-level course.
Got to walk before we run.
All right, what do you say we start off the semester
with a little bit of ridiculous fun?
Murder... on the Riverboat Queen.
If Tim hands you an envelope,
that makes you a passenger and a witness
On the Riverboat Queen.
Go ahead, open your envelope.
It'll give you all the details you need to play this role... Who you are, what you saw.
If you're the murderer, you're given your cover story.
Now, if you're not given a card,
that makes you one of the pinkertons brought on board to solve the case.
You can question any of the passengers.
The current record for solving the case is 16 minutes,
courtesy of the amazing mr. Foyle.
All right, detectives.
You may begin questioning your passengers...
now.
Yes?
Dr. Landry expects everyone to participate.
Is it possible you ended up in the wrong class?
Your academic advisor can get you into something else, you know.
Elementary education, maybe.
I think it's okay to read magazines over there.
They even cut them up sometimes, make little collages.
I know who did it.
- Dr. Landry. - What you got?
This girl says she's got it.
But she hasn't moved from her seat.
And you are?
Veronica Mars.
So, Veronica Mars, who are you going to send to prison
for the rest of his natural-born days?
The blind... Yet not really blind...
fiddle player, Rutherford Stiles.
Congratulations, Veronica.
All right, everybody, you can stop.
We have a winner and a new record-holder.
Six minutes.
So, how'd you figure it out?
"Murder on the riverboat queen" Was a murder mystery in a box game
made by Wigwam Toys in the late '80s.
Fans of the game set up message boards online
that gave away details.
I just ignored all the spoiler alerts,
which I know is kind of douchebaggy, but...
The game is set in the 1890s. You can't use the internet.
Was that a rule?
It wasn't a rule.
And there are two possible killers in the box.
You just took a 50/50 stab, didn't you?
Sorry, no. The other killer is Countess McGee.
Dr. Landry just asked me who I was going to send away
for the rest of HIS natural-born days.
That kind of sold me on blind Rutherford.
There is one thing I can't figure out, though.
What did you do for the extra 10 minutes?
A long time ago,
We used to be friends, but I...
Haven't thought of you lately at all.
Come on, now, sugar!
Bring it on, bring it on, yeah!
Just remember me when...
We used to be friends
A long time ago
We used to be friends *
Veronica Mars 3x01 Welcome Wagon
You a bounty hunter, boy?
I really shouldn't have pushed for the Clint Eastwood marathon.
Now I've ruined you.
I didn't think it was possible to make you more butch.
Stupid, stupid Logan.
Well, want to feel like a man? Walk me to class?
Carry your books?
Why not?
Guess who I saw on campus today?
Some girl going wild?
As I understand it, It happens all the time in college.
I'm on the verge of it right now.
No Dick, my B.F.F.
I thought he was crashing with his dad in the caymans.
Nah, he's back.
You guys talk?
Yeah, but it was brief.
Shouted his name, flipped me off. The bonds of friendship.
It was enough of a struggle getting you into Hearst.
How do you think he managed it?
Well his mom remarried Schwarzenegger's business manager.
- Ah... - Yeah...
I'm sure a call from the governor
can get you into most colleges in the state.
Hey, some people are saying Dick's a mess,
you know, on account of his brother Greg Louganis-ing off my roof.
It wasn't your fault Cassidy jumped.
Nothing's ever my fault.
Vinnie... what brings you to the good part
of the wrong side of the tracks?
Dollar signs, mi amigo. The almighty buck.
I got a case that requires a little double-detective duty.
Lucky Pierre owns a jewelry store
And suspects that he's got an embezzler.
What do you say, huh? Wonder twin powers, activate.
Can't, Vinnie... Got my own case, And it's taking me out of town.
A hit? I understand there's good money in that.
How does one break in? Is there a union of some kind?
Put in a good word for me, would you?
You know, I thought about getting myself a briefcase.
Not that I really need it.
You know, everything I need, I keep right up here.
Vinnie... I'm busy.
Okay, okay. If you want to be that guy.
Dad? Come here.
- You beckoned. - Yeah. You'll never believe it.
A maid from our hotel in New York
found the flash card with all our vacation pictures on it.
Hot dog!
"Hot dog"?
It's an expression of excitement and enthusiasm.
Joe and Frank Hardy and I used to say "hot dog" all the time
while we were waiting for the carhop
to bring us our malteds at the drive-in.
Drive-in?
- I hate you. - You love me.
Yeah, but it's all instinct.
Okay, you'll notice the first couple dozen photos
feature your daughter doing the one-handed self portrait,
as her negligent father showed up three days late.
But look. You finally make it.
Here we are in front of the "Spamalot".
Here we are in front of the Empire State building.
That's the Chrysler building.
No, it isn't.
Veronica, there are a few things in life
to which you will have to defer to my age and experience,
and that, sweet child of mine, is the Chrysler building.
Senility... that comes with age, too, right?
I can't remember.
Oh, by the way, how was your first day?
How does it feel being a college student?
Oh, it's exhausting.
I had one whole class today.
- Did you make any friends? - Lord, no.
Enemies?
Yeah, well, it is a day that ends in a "y".
Hey, you mess with the bull, okay?
Look, here you are stuffing cupcakes in your face at Magnolia Bakery.
Say, you remember I'm gonna be gone a few days,
That bail-jumper I've been tracking?
I'll hold down the fort.
Yeah, I'm afraid I put Backup in charge while I'm away,
and he's been instructed to maul your boyfriend
if he's here past midnight.
Backup's in charge?
What about the bitch he's been seeing?
- Hey. - Hey.
You must be my roommate, Stosh?
Uh, call me "Piz".
But you're... Wallace?
I'm sorry, there must be some mistake.
On my roommate-request form,
I specifically said I didn't want a roommate who was...
you know...
What?
Better-looking than me. I made it very clear.
Sorry, man. Fairest of them all right here.
Took this side. I hope that's cool.
Yeah, no sweat.
I rarely wear clothes indoors. I hope that's cool.
That's not cool at all.
You got more stuff?
Mmh, just a carful of boxes containing all my worldly possessions.
- Want some help? - Yes!
Over here.
Yeah, this fine example of american automotive engineering is mine.
Oh, my god.
Where's all your stuff?
It's all gone. Everything I own. It was here five minutes ago.
Now it's gone.
I know someone. She'll get your stuff back.
Count on it.
This girl, she's our age, and she's a "detective"?
She also a cartoon?
Look, she doesn't carry a magnifying glass or anything.
Her dad's a P.I. Used to be sheriff.
Phew, she's picked up a few things.
Look, I appreciate the thought, man.
But I'll just let the local police handle it.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Hi, I'm Veronica. Are you Piz?
Yes, I'm Piz.
Wallace? Are you in there somewhere?
Yeah, come in.
And you call yourself college men.
Where are the posters with beer and half-naked ladies?
It's behind the porn and my shot-glass collection.
So, looks like Piz is just gonna let the sheriff handle things.
Actually, I'd love your help.
As to my fee, $500, payable in cash, cashier's check,
or a pre-agreed-upon exchange of goods or services.
I could give you guitar lessons.
Pass.
On the bright side, if I don't get your stuff back, you owe me nothing.
That's the friend-of-a-friend rate.
Wait. I haven't even decided if he's cool yet.
Act now. Time is running out on this special offer.
So, I pulled into the parking lot,
and there was this... heavyset girl with a clipboard.
She had a Hearst sweatshirt and cap on.
She checked my name off a list, told me which dorm was mine,
And said she'd keep an eye on my stuff while I went and found my room.
This girl, she look like a student?
Yeah, I guess.
Said she was part of the Hearst welcome-wagon committee.
Wallace said you lost your clothes, your computer, a guitar...
No, not just a guitar.
It was a 1967 gretsch astrojet red-top.
It's like the holy grail of guitars.
Okay, I spent two summers mowing lawns to earn enough to buy it.
This is it.
They stole your stuff and covered your car with dirt?
You're not welcome here.
Doesn't look like they jimmied their way in.
It wasn't locked.
College campus.
All your worldly possessions.
Where are you from, Brigadoon?
Portland, or, well, just outside of Portland...
some suburb called Beaverton, real salt-of-the-earth people.
Minivan in every driveway, chicken in every pot.
Where they never ask rhetorical questions.
The welcome-wagon girl said she'd watch my car.
This is how you know you've gone from high school to college...
The graffiti goes highbrow.
"Wash me" was so 2005.
Come on, Beaverton. Let's go talk to your R.A.
All your stuff?
Frak. That blows.
Qu'est-ce que c'est? "Frak"?
No "Battlestar Galactica" fans in the mix, I see?
"Frak" is the profanity of the future.
I'm trying not to swear.
That's very enlightened of you, moe.
So, what the frak is with this Hearst welcome-wagon committee?
Well, first off, there's no such thing,
So there's that. It doesn't exist.
Oolong, anyone?
Gonna miss me, Howard?
Not for long. We'll keep the lights on.
Ahh.
You my ride?
Get in. We need to move.
We're here to ask one question...
to the students of this university,
to the faculty of this university,
and to the dean of this university.
How many women like me have to be raped,
Have to end up like this, their heads shaved,
before this administration listens to our demands?
Two wasn't enough? Three wasn't enough?
They say they're taking steps. Awesome. The dorm wings are same-sex.
Is that enough?
No! No! No! No!
We demand more.
Mandatory sensitivity training,
an official university sexual-conduct code...
more security personnel, more outdoor lighting, twice the sconces,
And most of all, dean O'Dell,
Shut down the fraternity houses!
Women. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
Why can't they just look pretty And get their M.R.S. degrees?
How's tricks, kid?
Shrink asked if a lifetime without a libido is such a bad thing.
I think she's given up on me.
You just need more time.
Irony of all ironies...
Frozen-from-the-waist-down's new roommate?
She's a one-woman red-light district.
Really?
Every night since orientation, she's been with some new dude.
The phone rings every 10 minutes.
If college is a boy buffet, she's got two full plates
and a purse full of boys wrapped in napkins.
Yet the void won't fill.
[Wreckx-N-Effect - "Rump Shaker"] All I want to do is zoom-A zoom zoom zoom in a boom boom
Just shake your rump
All I want to do is zoom-A zoom zoom zoom in a boom boom
Just shake your rump
It's like we never left Neptune High.
You won't be needing this.
Ugh! Oh, god. Ugh.
It's exactly like we never left Neptune High.
Oh.
What you did for my Kendall...
You saved her life. That's a tough lady to make disappear.
Tends to stand out.
All I did was get her out of town.
It was more than that... New passport, house, atm card...
All with my little brother hot on her heels.
Not safe yet.
Liam's still looking for her and he'll be looking for you, too, Cormac.
He doesn't know I'm out yet. All that good behavior.
Well that's what we got going for us.
As I understand it, your brother believes
he's entitled to a cut of Kendall's good fortune.
Yeah, Kendall agreed. The quarrel was over the size of that cut.
My little brother got greedy.
That's always been a problem for that kid.
That's why I'm gonna spend the rest of my days
lying on some beach with the woman I love,
And Liam will end up shivved in some state penitentiary.
Whoof.
You should seriously consider going pro in that.
What, and miss the college experience?
Don't go anywhere.
You're gonna get your brains spooned out whether you like it or not.
But first, must have water.
Okay, Veronica.
Aren't you the girl who laughed at those idiots
who tried to take their high-school romances with them to college?
- Logan, no! - Yep?
It's your dad.
I forwarded our calls.
We need to work on communication.
Hi, dad.
Nope. He's heading home right now, as a matter of fact.
All right, honey.
Give Logan my regards
as you're shaking his hand good night,
and I'll be sure to call unexpectedly again.
Love you, too.
They do grow up quickly.
When you got Kendall out of town,
she was carrying, what... millions, right?
I saw it. Didn't count it.
Kendall's always been a good judge of character.
She knows who she can trust, who she can't.
A lesser man might have taken advantage.
I was well-compensated.
What'd you spend your fee on?
Bought back my daughter's love.
It's a cool ride. Graduation gift?
My dad stood me up for my graduation trip.
Lucky for me, he felt really bad about it.
Stood you up? That's harsh.
He had his reasons.
Well, a Saturn for a Mars.
In Neptune. Yeah, the planets really aligned for this one.
Now, move Uranus. The mercury is rising.
Don't feel too bad. Same outfit got four other victims.
At least, that's how many we've heard about.
All of them in the span of 90 minutes.
Yeah, I guess that's comforting. Somehow.
They must have had a truck or a van.
You mind giving me a list of the other victims?
I don't know, Veronica.
I track down the bad guys, call you, you make the bust.
You know what that makes everyone, Sacks?
A winner.
The woman said she was part of the Hearst welcome-wagon?
Yep.
Blond, chubby?
Sounds like the one.
I've been keeping a journal,
kind-of like a podcast/spoken-word thing on my ipod,
And now some stranger, some thief has it.
What if they're listening to it?
All the others who got ripped off were freshmen.
You're a junior?
Yeah. What, are you saying I'm dumb?
No.
It's just... You didn't know there was no such thing
as the Hearst welcome-wagon?
I just remembered something...
I don't know who you are, or why I'm talking to you.
[Pussycat Dolls - Buttons] I'm tellin' you to loosen up my buttons, baby...
- Hey! - Mac around?
Oh my god, are you one of Mac's friends?
Well, come on in, sister! Mac's friends are my friends.
- I'm Parker. - Veronica.
So, I just love Mac. Like, love her.
Like I wish she was a bichon frise I could carry in my purse.
I mean, how great is she?
She's pretty great.
I was weirdly disappointed because I had this idea
that I'd get this, like, gangster-street chick
Or some death-metal girl,
And we'd be like all "odd couple".
But with me and Mac,
It was just, whoosh, instant sisterhood.
Total mesh, total blend.
You know, you should come watch "Top Model" with us tonight.
Mac's watching "Top Model" with you, huh?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, yours or Mac's?
Colin? Oh, he's all mine.
He should really love me, don't you think?
Depends... Have you had your shots?
Look at his eyes.
He's just so soulful and like troubled and deep.
You just know he'd kick ass in the backseat.
- Hey, roomie. - Hey.
Want to go see a band play?
More than anything in the world.
Oh, my god, I'm so totally in. Just give me a sec to change.
Hey, I know that guy.
Our muscle.
Short notice.
Your boyfriends?
No.
What's up, V? Hey, Mac.
Wallace and Piz, this is Parker. Parker, Wallace and Piz.
And this is Mac. Mac, piz.
So, gang, are we ready to rock?
- No. - Not particularly.
That's the spirit!
Whoo-hoo!
[Four Fifty One - Socks and Shoes] Don't talk to me, don't show me
How I got to try and improve right now
It's just about that soul to me now
Yeah! Make your way
I was feelin' high, and you dragged me down
It's just about that soul to me now
Yeah! Hey, get with it
I was feelin' high, can't stay...
Awake, oh
She seems nice.
I know
And I say
You're a real suit
We're the Unwashed.
That's it for now, but Billy's got CDs by the door.
That's my cue.
What is she doing?
Mm-mmm.
Alright, give it up for the Unwashed!
I've got a little public-service announcement.
My friend had everything stolen out of his car over at Hearst
In the parking lot of bennis hall.
All right, all right.
We think someone here tonight might have seen something.
My friend is offering $100 reward
for information that'll help him get his stuff back.
We're back at that table if you know something.
Okay.
Look at her. She's like boy-nip.
We saw you get ripped off.
You're 12.
What were you doing up at Hearst?
Checking out the college girls laying out.
Some of them go topless.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up right there, son.
Tell us where this sunbathing goes on.
South quad where that statue is.
What are you saying you saw?
Is it the Randolph Hearst statue or the amorphous blobby thing?
Breasts or the holy grail guitar.
We was coming back through the parking lot.
We saw these two dudes in a moving van pull up by this car.
They started throwing stuff into the van in a major hurry.
Anything you remember about the two dudes or the van?
- They were black dudes. - Of course they were.
And the van didn't have any windows. It was white, I think.
Is that all?
That's a lot. Where's our reward?
You didn't see squat. Motor, munchkins.
I told you, man. Bogus.
There was a chick there. A white chick.
Of course there was.
She hopped up in the cab with them.
A blonde? Chubby?
Nah, that was the weird part.
I thought she was a heifer at first.
When she hopped in, she pulled off her sweatshirt.
She had a slammin' bod.
Girl was packed tight, like she was wearing a fat suit.
Come on, parker.
Why do you want to be like that, girl?
It's the right time of the night.
It's the right time of the night... for makin' love.
Parker's out somewhere with the Unwashed.
I'll tell her that the needs-hosed-down dropped by.
My little brother never cared about you, you know?
You were just his beard.
Hey, you!
What's your name? You're not supposed to be here.
Isn't this the boys' floor? Oh, gosh, I am so lost.
I'm just a dumb freshman who wandered onto the wrong floor.
Wow, campus is so confusing.
Thanks for your understanding. I'm just gonna show myself out.
Let me see your school I.D.
We're supposed to have I.D.s? See, I don't know anything.
College has got me plumb flustered.
Good night, ladies.
Hey. These are for you.
Clothes. A friend of mine's.
He can't use them anymore. You look about the same size.
Thanks.
Oh, and I think I found your guitar.
It popped up on craigslist late last night,
and the seller is just off campus.
- You here about the guitar? - That's us.
I wasn't really looking for a guitar,
but I went to the flea market yesterday, and I found this.
Girl was selling it for $500. She had no idea what she had.
You won't find one of these for under 5 grand.
But I'd be willing to let it go for $4,000.
That's it. That's my stolen guitar.
- What? - Go ahead, look in the pick tray.
There'll be two milimeter picks from Guitar Town in Portland.
Okay, yeah, so?
This girl who sold you the guitar, can you describe her?
Blond, thin, pretty smokin' bod.
Donald Fagan, the current possessor of Piz's guitar,
offered to sell it back to Piz for the $500 he paid for it.
A better plan I think, is to make the thief pay for it.
Smile.
Thanks.
Hey, wait a minute.
You guys are pathetic.
It's a white man's sport.
Right, 'cause I was talking about the hacky sack.
Piz, is this the welcome-wagon girl?
Uh, hard to say. Maybe.
Add a few extra pounds.
Yeah, I'm trying to.
I don't think it's her.
It's not often you get to see bikini babes
in their natural habitat.
Such gentle yet elusive creatures.
Okay, you two have fun being gross.
I'll just continue trying to find your stuff on my own...
with no help.
That's why you make the big money.
No signal.
And not one car for 10 minutes.
Highway turns back in a few miles.
Looks like if we just walk due east,
we'd see the town of granger in three or four miles.
I don't think we want to do that.
You spent much time in the desert, Keith?
No, can't say that I have.
First time I got busted, judge gave me the option...
two years in the army or two years in huntsville.
I chose the army.
We did our training in west Texas
before they sent me to Iraq for Desert Storm.
Between here and granger, you got rattlesnakes,
coyote traps, scorpions,
hippies doing mushrooms, all kinds of bad stuff.
You know, let's... Let's just wait it out.
Someone will help us.
I bided my time for five years. What's a few more hours?
Is it her?
I'm 90% sure that's her.
But... look, you know what, make it 80%.
80% sure.
Hey, are you in Landry's profiling class?
Last year. Man's tough.
I have him for intro to criminology.
Did you do the mentoring thing? Cause I'm thinking about it.
Best thing as an undergrad, working with those kids.
You can read about street crime in a textbook,
but mentoring takes everything out of the theoretical, really grounds.
You should sign up.
Oh, my god. You can settle a debate for me.
Is this on the Empire State building
or the Chrysler building?
That's actually the Space Needle in Seattle.
I have to remember not to debate my dad when it comes to architecture.
Can I have a glass of water?
Sure.
So, by the time you finish your reading this weekend,
you should be able to discuss crime and social control
in relation to biological and psychological positivism.
See you tuesday.
Excuse me.
I was interested in the mentoring program.
You're the guy to talk to, right?
You can take your pick.
All of them have juvenile records.
Most of the girls, it's shoplifting, fighting, chronic truancy.
Wait, just because I'm a girl means I have to mentor a girl?
Yes.
That's in case they get their period or something, right?
You Tim?
Who are you?
Dr. Landry needs you back in the lecture hall.
I'll wait.
Tow truck's here.
Wallace says you're in his sociology class.
Really? I haven't seen him.
Maybe because you haven't shown up for class.
Well, that's certainly one possibility.
Here. A bonus birthday gift.
You got me a bow? A bow?!
How did you guess?!
Open it, smarty-pants.
Your room key?
What if I drop in unexpectedly?
The other girls will have to...
I bet you know there's no one else. I only want you.
You ought to know that by now.
What then, no quip?
Look.
It's your B.F.F., the town drunk.
Hi, my name's Dick. What's yours?
Deedee.
How long have we known each other, Deedee?
Eight seconds.
So, where's this going, Deedee?
Is this thing we feel real?
Or are we just in it for the torso butter?
Truth is, I've been kicked out of on-campus housing
and I know, timing's a little sooner than we hoped for,
but... what do you say we move in together,
make our own love nest?
You should really walk away.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
I'll admit, the kid looks good walking away.
It's all me, too.
Ass like Marky Mark and the entire funky bunch.
Your bag?
What, do you want a hug or something?
Does that sort of thing work with college girls?
'Cause I'll tell you up front, I'm a lover, not a fighter.
I'm gonna try to talk to him.
Nice shirt.
- You wanted me to meet you here? - Yeah.
- Is this the welcome-wagon girl? - Yeah it's her.
The girl in the photo is the welcome-wagon girl.
The guy is the ringleader.
And you're sure that's her?
That's her.
His name is Donald Fagan,
and these three charming lads are the kids he mentors...
Thieves, all of them.
Okay, so why would those kids at the club talk to us
if they knew they'd stolen my stuff?
So they could steer us in the wrong direction?
Then they just repeated the story to their mentor
so the stories would match.
So you do realize there's not a lot of college freshmen girls
who do this sort of thing... You know, solve crimes.
There aren't?
So, why do you do it?
- Cold, hard cash? - Seriously.
Uh...
Wallace told me about your friend... who was murdered.
Because I'm good at it, maybe? I don't know.
Wallace should stick to analyzing himself.
This is not right. This is absolutely not right.
You want to know why I do it?
Here it comes. This is the good part.
And take my things from me and then...
I might actually get my stuff back.
I might actually get paid.
Boom goes the dynamite.
Heh.
So, is that guy from last night your boyfriend?
There she is.
You ever have a woman who loved you so much
she'd do time for you?
Baby!
Whoo!
Whoa!
I figured out the knocking thing.
You could have waited in your room.
Parker's in there with some guy.
Well, let's head out.
The midnight movie waits for no man.
Our tickets are in there stuck in the mirror...
above her suggestion box and tip jar.
Well, frak.
Give me your keys.
You're listening to Clamp Flush on KR FM, Hearst College radio.
Don't mind me.
That's excellent cake, Kendall.
Well, I'll tell Sara Lee you approve.
We decided where we're going to run off to, Keith.
Don't want to know.
It's got sand and water.
Stop.
But that reminds me, I've got Cormac's travel documents in the car.
I'll just grab them and get out of here, give you kids some private time.
Hurry, Keith. We might not be able to contain ourselves.
Oh, no, Vinnie. Please tell me you're not working for Liam.
Kendall!
Awfully cold night, Keith.
I'll come and pick up your carcass in the morning.
Guess Kendall wasn't that great a judge of character after all.
I don't have anywhere else to go.
Hey, it's all right. You can stay here.
I messed up bad.
It's gonna be okay.
Come here.
You worked in a coffee shop.
How can you not know an Irish coffee has whiskey in it?
At java the hut,
It meant a latte with a little shot of Irish cream syrup.
That explains the first one you ordered.
They were magically delicious.
And they served me. Boo-yah!
Yeah. "Boo-yah"? You probably shouldn't drive home.
I'm fine.
Okay, maybe not.
And we're dude-free. Couch is yours.
Transcript: Raceman / Synch: BLue www.forom.com